maimedaffair

time won't fly. it's like i'm paralyzed by it. i'd like to be my old self again, but i'm still trying to find it. after plaid shirt days & nights when you made me your own,. now you mail back my things & i walk home alone. but you kept my old scarf from that very first week, cause it reminds you of innocence, & it smells like me. you can't get rid of it, cause you remember it all too well.

written by maim. twenty-nine. capricorn ; pagan ; trans / they/he ; white ; demi-sexual ; in a relationship ; eighteen years of experience -- twelve on tumblr ; pro- palestine , blm , lgbt rights ; anti republican / trump / any phobia ; cat person ; autistic , bpd , & disabled ; hufflepuff ; infj ; cst / alabama

rules

it was rare ; i was there.

• basics.

i use very small & very edited text. i use double spacing , bolds , italics , underlining , capitols & lowercase mixed , etc. if any of these make it difficult for you to read my posts , please feel free to ask me to change it or change it yourself ! i don't mind a bit. i just edit this way because it helps my dyslexia differentiate sentences and points of interest.anon will remain off , period. if you have a problem with me , PLEASE CONTACT ME DIRECTLY , WITHOUT ANONYMITY. it gives me unnecessary stress for things that can be handled civilly. we're adults here. if it was important to begin with, it's worth saying it to my face.if you are uncomforatble with deceased actors being used for their respective character, do not follow. i use cameron boyce & often reblog things with cory monteith or naya rivera , &* will continue to do so as i don't believe in erasing their hard work.

• shipping.

i am a ship whore & i'm not ashamed of it. most all of my threads will be romantic. that being said , please do not force a ship on me. it's not hard to get my interest. please feel free to send prompts to start off a ship! you're allowed to spam me about the ship. if i don't respond, it doesn't mean i'm not interested! it means im busy. i will tell you if i'm not interested.i personally really enjoy writing smut. if you don't , that's cool too. i will not write smut with anyone under the age of 18 ! don't lie about your age just to write smut. it will literally put me in jail.hard limits : no incest , wild age gaps (aside from immortals) , no ships that turn gay characters straight, a/b/o, anything involving non-sexual bodily functions.

• triggers.

i am exceptionally bad at remembering to tag triggering material. if you have a severe trigger, please let me know personally so that i can add it to my notes! the only trigger that ever actually squirts me out is anything to do with touching eyes, but only really in the case of me being able to actually SEE it, like in a gif-set.

• misc.

my blog is a safe place. please feel free to speak your mind with me. unless you're actively harming yourself or someone , i don't judge. obviously, this does not apply if you are racist, transphobic, homophobic, xenophobic, etc. i just want you to feel free to say wild shit to me and know that i will bring the same energy.

• credits.

• unfollowing.

i will only write with mutuals. those mutuals must be over 18. personal blogs will be blocked on sight. i also tend to not follow hub-blogs. side blogs are on thin ice.i reserve the write to unfollow / block anyone i need to to feel comfortable on my dash. you have the same right. please do not come asking why i unfollowed you. if you are going to break mutuals, PLEASE HARD BLOCK ME!if you follow me & I don't know your muse or just don't see us interacting, I will hardblock just so there's no confusion. it's very rarely anything personal !i will unfollow you for uncut posts , large size gifs in your replies , unnecessary drama , forcing ships , being inactive for more than a month, or anything that affects my personal mental health.• BANNED FACECLAIMS : amber heard , chris pratt , emma roberts , mark salling , any youtubers / tiktokers / content creators / singers that aren't also actors

• xavier hawke.

  AGE   [ 23-33 ]
  RACE   [ human ]
  HEIGHT   [ 5'10" ]
  WEIGHT   [ 77kg / 170lbs ]
  BUILD   [ athletic ]
  EYE COLOR   [ blue ]
  SKIN COLOR   [ neutral ]
  HAIR COLOR   [ brown ]
  CLASS   [ rogue ]
  FAMILY   [ malcolm (father - deceased) ; leandra (mother - deceased) ; bethany (sister - dependant) ; carver (brother - dependant) ; gamlen (uncle - alive) ; charade (cousin ; alive) ; warden amell (second cousin ; dependent) ]
  ALIGNMENT   [ chaotic neutral ]
  POSITIVE TRAITS   [ charming / resourceful / loyal / witty ]
  NEGATIVE TRAITS   [ headstrong / vain / sarcastic / flippant ]
  FACE-CLAIM   [ zac efron ]
  CANON PARTNER   [ anders ]
  SEXUALITY   [ pansexual / polyamorous ]

  ON THE RUN   unlike his father & sister , hawke is a simple rogue. this does not change the fact that his family is constantly on the run from the circle. he is desperate to protect his sister from being taken. carver deeply dislikes hawke & bethany, hating them for causing him to be a fugitive when bethany could simply submit. this has always lead to the two brothers butting heads, while xavier vastly prefers bethany & treats her far kinder. all that said, there is no one xavier loves more than his mother. a handful to the family, he has a string of lovers & a rebellious nature. he is adept at picking locks & pickpocketing, which helps him support his family without being out front & center.when the blight comes to lothering, hawke & his family are forced to seek refuge in kirkwall. overrun by demons, carver dies in the escape. when all seems lost, they're offered the help of the witch of the wilds herself, flemmeth. hawke eagerly agrees to do her bidding as long as she can get his family safely to kirkwall. true to her word, she does just that. to get inside the city, hawke aligns himself with the thieves & works for a year to clear his debt to them.  ACT ONE   desperate to afford to care for his family, hawke enters a partnership with varric with the promise of riches beyond his imagination. he finds many companions in kirkwall, & gets along with all but sebastian. bethany goes with him while hawke, varric, & anders venture to the deep roads in search of treasure. his party is betrayed by varric's brother, bertrand, but the treasure they find does make hawke & varric extremely wealthy. during the expedition, bethany is infected with the blight. anders is able to have her join the wardens, staving off her death. bethany is bitter at being forced away instead of just dying in peace, but hawke stands by his decision, as it keeps her alive.  ACT TWO   three years later , hawke has accomplished quite a lot. his family name has been restored -- no longer are the amell's a fallen noble family ; they're now living in the upper elite section of kirkwall & carry weight in society. all of his companions are happy & taken care of. enlisted to investigate a string of disappearances in the city, hawke uncovers a serial killer in the underbelly of kirkwall while chasing a lead to find his own mother. leandra has been killed & reanimated by the serial killer, quentin's, magic. upon slaying him, hawke's mother perishes as well -- though not without first telling him how proud she is of him.despite his grievous losses, hawke finds comfort in the mage anders. he aids anders in any quest, trusting him implicitly. even when anders admits to his dealing with demons, hawke never judges him for it. anders is constantly confounded by why a simple human rogue would care about the mage plight -- it seems hawke has restored the mage's hope for humanity. the only issue they ever truly have is that of hawke's flirting with everything that moves. hawke has a hard time resisting fenris & isabela. anders helps hawke heal, & gives him something new to fight for : a future where bethany & anders are no longer being hunted. a future where his family is finally safe.speaking of isabela : she confides in him about the relic of the qunari. she asks him to protect her. so, he does. the qunari have slain the viscount of kirkwall, but offer peace if isabela is handed over to them. he fights the qunari leader & wins in exchange for isabela's freedom. with the leader defeated & the qunari cleared from the city, hawke is named the champion of kirkwall.

  ACT THREE    three more years pass. meredith, the leader of the templars, has tightened her grip on the mages. as more mages escape the tower, meredith puts her fist down harder, encouraging raids, imprisonment, and torture. a mage underground has spread rumors of freedom, but have had a hard time with meredith's crackdowns. hawke & anders agree that the abuse of the mages cannot stand. when orsino suggests that the city should revolt against the templars, hawke stands with the mages.things reach a boiling point when anders blows up kirkwall's chantry, eliminating any chance of a peaceful resolution. when forced to pick a side, hawke stands with anders, supporting his decision to force a revolt. hawke manages to convince all of his companions to stay by his side as they fight their way through the city, helping as many people on the way out as they can. even bethany shows up to assure hawke she's no longer angry at him and helps him clear the city. hawke's name goes down in infamy as a rallying cry for rebel mages everywhere, & the fall of the circles. hawke & anders go into hiding, desperate to stay together & stay alive.  the time thereafter   post kirkwall, anders & hawke travel with their companions for a little while. varric ends up leading them to a crypt where they encounter corypheus -- a darkspawn with the ability to communicate and act very humanoid. entering a battle with the beast, they assume he is dead upon victory. after this, hawke & his companions go their separate ways -- except for anders, who stays by his side.  the inquisition    varric is one of the only people who know of ander's & hawke's location at any given time, though they are often on the run. the two of them stay together no matter what, helping any mage they can on the road. when varric sends word that the inquisition needs help against corypheus, hawke is there within a matter of days. obviously, not everyone is pleased to see hawke & anders -- the whole world has erupted into a war over their choices in kirkwall, afterall. but, they are incredibly useful allies that have first hand experience with the enemy. an unsteady alliance is garnered ; hawke will help them if they do not persecute anders.hawke goes with the inquisitior to meet the warden who can tell them about the calling & the disappearance of all of the other wardens. he travels to the fade with them & fights alongside them at every turn. if he is chosen to sacrifice himself to save the others, he takes it in stride, figuring he's escaped death enough for one lifetime -- though he does not die without making sure anders knows he loves him.if he lives through the encounter in the fade, hawke returns to the camp to with the intent to assist in any way he can -- but with the inquisition garnering so much attention, he is forced to go back in to hiding with anders.

• solaris lavellan.

  AGE   [ 15 at start of blight ; 25 by inquisition ]
  RACE   [ danish elf ]
  TITLE   [ first to the keeper ]
  HEIGHT   [ 5'2" ]
  WEIGHT   [ 54kg / 119lbs ]
  BUILD   [ slim ]
  EYE COLOR   [ gold ]
  SKIN COLOR   [ pale ]
  HAIR COLOR   [ white ]
  CLASS   [ mage ]
  FAMILY   [ genevia (mother - alive) ; larkin ( father - deceased) ]
  ALIGNMENT   [ chaotic neutral ]
  POSITIVE TRAITS   [ strong-willed / adaptable / charming / talented ]
  NEGATIVE TRAITS   [ stubborn / gullible / too-trusting / impulsive ]
  FACE-CLAIM   [ celina sinden ]
  CANON PARTNER   [ solas ]

  THE FUTURE HEIR   chosen from a young age for her prowess with magic, solar was trained to become the first to the keeper -- the first in line to take the throne should the keeper fall. she always found herself drawn to studying as opposed to fighting when it came to practicing her craft. by the time the blight came & went, solar was just as well studied as any circle mage. she especially thrived in dealings with the fade. never bearing ill-will towards spirits or even toward blood mages, solar walked a narrow path in terms of magical progression. while she never saw herself as dealing with any demons herself, she liked to speak with spirits & learn their stories as often as possible.seeing as she planned on becoming keeper one day, solar never ventured into romance. she made easy friends with the members of her clan & always did right by them. that's not all to say that no one ever caught her eye or flirted with her -- she's been known to flirt right back, though with no intention of doing anything beyond that.  the tear in the sky    while not eager to send their first , solar personally requested she be sent to the conclave as a spy. the war going on had become a threat to her clan. if the conclave was going to try and settle the dispute, the dalish should have a say. certainly not her skillset , solar managed to blend in enough to be allowed in to the conclave. that's as much as she remembers of the conclave itself -- she awoke in the fade with no memory of how she ended up there. A spirit helps her escape the fade. when she arrives outside of the fade, she is immediately arrested by cassandra & leliana because of the glowing mark on her hand. it seems the new mark responds to the giant rip in the sky , meaning that solar was being accused of blowing up the conclave & killing everyone involved. she may not remember anything, but there's no way that's what happened.solar is then taken to the rift to close it -- with the help of solas & his knowledge of the rift, they are able to seal off the rift, though the sky is not healed. the demons stop pouring into the realm, so they consider it a win.  THE HERALD OF ANDRASTE   despite being very vocal about her own dalish beliefs , the world starts calling her the herald of andraste because of her supernatural power of the rift, seeming gifted to her by god herself. solar vehemently denies anyone the right to call her such a thing. she is simply someone trying to do the right thing to save her own people. no andraste helped her.the inquisition is formed with the intent to completely seal the breach & bring an end to corypheus. upon allying herself with the mages , the templars naturally become an enemy of the inquisition. but, with the mages on their side, the odds a bit better for defeating corypheus when he suddenly attacks haven. solar is able to distrct him just long enough for everyone to escape to safety. she is separated from her people for a dangerous amount of time. when hope is almost lost, they spot her and bring her to safety in the hillside. it seems the current leaders are having trouble rallying morale. solar steps out of her way to offer guidance & hope, giving everyone a boost before ultimately turning to solas to lead them to skyhold. there, they are made the leader of the inquisition. solar is reluctant to accept such a position, as she still fully intends to return to her clan when this is over.  the wardens    solar is eager to call upon hawke when the time comes. honestly, she's very aware that she needs all the help she can get. she manages to get leliana to call upon the hero of ferelden as well. (dependent. can just be straud. really only matters if she's writing opposite one of the dao heroes that would be invested in their partner being involved. i.e. when writing with a king alistair, solar calls on kira & sacrifices kira instead of hawke. drama ensues. ) solar picks to leave the warden behind, saving hawke's life as he has more to offer the world in her mind. she ultimately spares the wardens, defending them by saying it wasn't their fault they were being compelled.

  the queen of orlais   always eager to help a fellow elf, solar is quick to align herself with celene & briala , aiding them to control the crown. people are not eager to accept a public relationship between celene & her elvhen lover, both because they're queer & because of the general distaste for elves. but, seeing as the inquisitor herself is an elf hellbent on saving the world, they're more willing to allow it.  the fall of corypheus   when all is said & done, corypheus lay defeated at the hands of the inquisition. solar uses her mark to seal him away in the fade, destroying his worldly body. in the wake of their victory , ferelden, orlais , and the chantry unite to make the exalted council to put a check on the inquisitions power. to make matters worse , solar's mark has grown unstable and now threatens her very life.  fen'harel    the inquisition discovers qunari dead under their nose & word that agents of fen'harel are the cause. apparently, the inquisition themselves are suspected of working for fen'harel. a smuggling operation involving lyrium is destroyed. the inquisition is again able to cut off an assassination attempt against the council -- this time, eleves with explosives. after foiling said attempt, it is revealed that solas is an agent of fen'harel.when she reaches solas , he's completely handled a large number of enemies. he effortlessly quiets the mark on her hand so that they have time to talk. solas explains that he uncovered the plot by the qunari to take over the country and foiled it himself using eluvians. he has grown elusive & incredibly powerful , able to petrify enemies with just a thought. he also reveals hes not just an agent of fen'harel, but the dread wolf himself. he explains that he fought back against those that killed mythal , & created the vail as punishment to banish them to the beyond. this dealt irreparable damage to elvhenan. he says his penance is to walk a solitary road until he can restore the elvhen people , regardless of what it does to the rest of thedas. by this point, solas & solar are a bonded pair of lovers. she trusts his judgement & does not pass blame for what he did.in fact, she encourages his plan. she knows what it would cost -- the world , her family , herself. she begs him to include her in his plan. swears to stand by his side so that it is not a solitary path he must bear alone. he refuses her pleas, but not without telling her just how much he loves her and that he will never be able to forget her. he severs her left arm, cutting off the mark from being able to kill her, then vanishes. she vows to find him so that she can save him.  retirement    the inquisition is disbanded after the discovery of corruption through the qunari & solas. they were given the choice to submit to the chantry, but given her strongly held elvhen beliefs, solar departs & instead joins the red jenny's. sera gives her a crossbow / grappling hook attachment for her missing arm. her main focus is finding solas before everyone else. she knows it will not end well for him if anyone else gets him first, or if he enacts his plan without her being able to convince him to take her with him.

• artemis mahariel.

  AGE   [ 18 ]
  BACKGROUND   [ first to the keeper ]
  RACE   [ dalish elf ]
  HEIGHT   [ 5'1" ]
  WEIGHT   [ 47kg / 104lbs ]
  BUILD   [ thin ]
  EYE COLOR   [ brown ]
  SKIN COLOR   [ pale ]
  HAIR COLOR   [ brown ]
  CLASS   [ mage ]
  FAMILY   [ tulin (father - deceased) ; althea (mother - unknown) ; ashalle (adoptive mother - alive) ]
  ALIGNMENT   [ chaotic neutral ]
  POSITIVE TRAITS   [ brave / bold / loyal / outspoken ]
  NEGATIVE TRAITS   [ stubborn / vain / reckless / prejudiced ]
  FACE-CLAIM   [ victoria pedretti ]
  CANON PARTNER   [ alistair ]
  SEXUALITY   [ pansexual / polyamorous ]

  STAR CROSSED LOVERS   conceived of forbidden love , artemis was destined for hardship . her father, tulin, was the keeper of the sabrae clan. her mother, althea, his personal guard. her rogue skills seemed to come in most handy when the two of them needed to sneak away for romantic meetings. forbidden to love or start a family as it would distract from his role as a keeper, their relationship was discovered & quickly shunned. the two of them rejected this decision & sought to leave the clan, but not simply because of their desire to be together -- althea was expecting a child. wanting to raise their baby & stay together, the two set off, but their absence left the clan open to an attack by the avvar. they hadn't gotten far, so they quickly turned back to aid the clan. tulin was gravely injured, & died a few days later. devastated by the loss of her lover & the guilt of causing her clan to suffer losses due to their departure, althea waited until she gave birth & named her daughter, then wandered off into the forest to never be seen again.  FIRST OF HER KIND   born with no parents, artemis was taken in by her mothers best friend, ashalle. the woman treated her as though she were her own, but never claimed to be her mother. marethari took her father's place as keeper. when artemis was old enough & showed significant magic , marethari named her first to the keeper so that the circle could not claim her. merrill is named second to the keeper, & trained alongside her to one day take over for marethari. tamlen is appointed as her guard, & in a twisted joke by the universe, artemis follows in her parents footsteps -- she & tamlen fall in love.ever protective of her clan, artemis has a deep distrust for outsiders -- after all, her parents died at human's hands. she tends to intimidate information out of those who pass through their territory, then strike them down. that is the case for the humans who lead the mage & her hunter into the elven ruins. artemis knows better than to touch anything with such intense magic, but tamlen will not listen. she begs & pleads & calls on their love to be enough for him to turn back, but their fate is sealed the moment he reaches for the glass. tainted by the blight, artemis loses her lover & her clan all in one foul blow. sir duncan saves her toxic body from the ruins, but tamlen is no where to be found. it seems the darkness swallowed him whole. though she pleads to remain with her people, she's given no choice but to follow marethari & duncan's orders to join the grey wardens, giving her a chance to fight off the blight in her veins. merrill is named first to the keeper after artemis leaves.  THE GREY WARDEN   artemis does not settle into the wardens easily. she deeply distrusts duncan -- nothing personal , he's just a human. she does not meddle in any affairs at the camp, & only really speaks to the elvhen in service there. alistair finds her hostility funny, which only makes her more hostile at first. after the fall of ostagar, she's a bit nicer to him, if only because of their traumatic bonding time. the first person she is truly nice to is the dog. slowly but surely, she is taught to trust others, seeing as cooperation is the only way to truly get through this whole ordeal & gain allies. artemis remains on mostly neutral grounds with all of her companions, save for alistair. the templar happens to earn her trust & respect more than anyone.

romance does not truly become an option for artemis until the blight ridden tamlen returns to give her some closure -- he tells her he always loved her, but he is too far gone & she cannot save him. her companions strike him down in her stead, as she cannot bear to do it. after that, she slowly allows herself to feel again & eventually turns a true corner -- she falls for a human. alistair is gentle & kind & patient with her ; he puts his trust in her judgement & puts aside his own distrust of mages. she finds she cannot deny him the same consideration. during the landsmeet, she strikes down loghain for alistair. it is decided that alistair & anora will wed in a strictly professional marriage, while artemis & alistair continue their relationship in private.  the hero of ferelden    when it comes down to the final battle , artemis cannot bring herself to force alistair to go through with the ritual. when the time comes to strike down the archdemon, alistair tries to step in & save artemis from sacrificing herself. unwilling to let him take her place, artemis knocks him unconscious & seals her fate , striking down the archdemon. she is eulogized by alistair himself , bitter as he might be about her hard-headedness. artemis goes down as the martyr of ferelden, with all of the kingdom singing her praises as the dalish girl who sacrificed herself for humans in the end. allistair has a monument made in her name -- a beautiful statue depicting her is erected in the plaza of the castle.  alternate ending    in the event that someone wants to interact with artemis in the setting of da2 or dai, artemis must obviously survive. for this to happen, there are a couple of different routes we can take.option one : artemis makes a deal with the archdemon himself to spare her, but she loses her magic in exchange for the demon being released back into the fade. this is not a known outcome -- she carries the secret , claiming fate took over & spared her. ]option two : artemis is unable to stop alistair from sacrificing himself. he dies in her place, leaving her to grieve yet another loved one. artemis disappears from the world, just like her mother. she only reappears ten years later, when the calling is going on. she helps the inquisition in place of stroud. she pleads with the inquisitor to let her sacrifice herself to save them, as she was denied this chance once already & she is tired. hawke is certainly more useful than she is at this point. her story ends here as she stays behind to finish the battle. ]option three : artemis chooses to have alistair do the dark ritual with morrigan, thus spawning kieran & saving herself from the archdemon. alistair & anora marry, & artemis stays in the castle as first mage to the crown. she fights for dalish rights & sends aid to her clan whenever she can. when the inquisition needs help, she once again takes stroud's place -- though this time, she does not plead for them to choose her. she wants to return to alistair. she will ask the inquisitor to reconsider if they choose her, but will not fight it if they choose her again. if she is spared, she stays to help the inquisition in any way she can. once they're done, she leaves on her own mission to find a cure for the blight for herself & alistair. ]

• kira cousland.

  AGE   [ 18 ]
  BACKGROUND   [ noble ]
  RACE   [ human ]
  HEIGHT   [ 5'3" ]
  WEIGHT   [ 55kg / 121lbs ]
  BUILD   [ petite & athletic ]
  EYE COLOR   [ green ]
  SKIN COLOR   [ pale ]
  HAIR COLOR   [ red ]
  CLASS   [ rogue ]
  FAMILY   [ fergus (brother - alive) ; bryce (father - deceased) ; eleanor (mother - deceased) ; oriana (sister-in-law -deceased) ; oren (nephew - deceased) ]
  ALIGNMENT   [ chaotic good ]
  POSITIVE TRAITS   [ charismatic / trust-worthy / loyal / optimistic ]
  NEGATIVE TRAITS   [ vengeful / manipulative / impulsive ]
  FACE-CLAIM   [ kat mcnamara ]
  CANON PARTNER   [ alistair ]
  SEXUALITY   [ pansexual / polyamorous ]

  THE NOBLE CUTPURSE   born into the cousland noble family , kira is the youngest daughter of a family built on temperance & justice that dates to times before even the first king of ferelden was crowned. diplomacy & charisma are valued above all else, but so are cunning & the tenacity to survive. just like her mother, kira was taught to blend in as a normal citizen, if only to learn the ways of their people & the skills to survive, should their family ever be cut down from power. she learned to cut purses , pickpocket , lockpick , lie , cheat , & steal. most of the time, she wouldn't keep the things she stole --- they'd be donated to charity or put back where she found them ; she just wanted to see if it could be done in the first place. she's incredibly close to her family. there's not a person she can't charm -- she's known to be quite a flirt, even with the servants.generally speaking, kira is very level-headed & kind, if a bit cheeky. she tries to not take life too seriously, often taking for granted the severity of being a noble. she would rather have fun on the streets than learn laws or how taxes work. that's not to say she won't help others every chance she gets, but she can be a bit disconnected from nobility on a job level.  THE FALL OF THE COUSLANDS   when the call comes in to aid the king, kira begs her father to let her go with her big brother, fergus ; she's skilled at sneaking -- at the very least , she could act as a spy to get information ! sir duncan casts his vote the same , but ultimately her father says no , not wanting to risk both heirs -- but mostly not wanting to lose his little girl. she distracts herself with both iona & dairren for the night to try and not worry herself sick over her brother's departure.in the middle of the night , the duchess awakens to her home under siege by men she was raised to trust ----- arl howe is her father's most trusted partner, but here he is, usurping their name.in a matter of moments, her lovers, servants, sister-in-law, & nephew are all slaughtered before her very eyes. sir duncan manages to help her mother & father find a room to hide in, but the castle is surrounded & will soon be overpowered. with her father gravely injured & her mother unwilling to leave him, kira agrees to join the wardens if it means she can avenge her family name and kill arl howe on the way.her parents die in that castle , but kira & her dog make their way with duncan through the servants quarters to escape.  THE GREY WARDEN   kira makes a useful warden. it's easy for others to trust her, & her family name carries weight. she can talk her way out of fights & make allies without much effort. even as someone who shouldn't garner much trust with her skillset, people implicitly trust her -- maybe because of her family's history, or maybe just because she generally never misuses her abilities. sure, she might steal food or coin or tell a white lie to avoid a fight, but she trusts others & gains their trust in return. turns out, people like having someone on their side that can save some bloodshed from ever happening.

as a fallen noble, kira does have some extra enemies -- namely, the house that toppled her own. howe doesn't like that she survived. if he can kill her before she finds him, he will. the second kira is given the chance to kill him, she takes it -- not even giving him a chance to speak & explain himself.not the best in a fight, kira tends to land more sneak attacks or ranged attacks than anything up close & personal. she'd much rather talk her way out of a fight ever starting than actually fight people.as far as companions go, everyone is alive & recruited by the end of the game. she gets along with everyone, but favors alistair most. every 'good' ending was achieved for her companions. all stand by her side at the final battle , save for loghain. ( it should be noted, kira wanted to offer loghain a chance to redeem himself. upon realizing it would cost her alistair, she execute's loghain in exchange for alistair agreeing to rule beside her as his king. )  the hero & queen of ferelden    to save everyone , kira convinces alistair, as a lover & trusted partner , to do the ritual with morrigan. seeing as he trusts her judgement more than anyone else's, he agrees to go through with it if it means they have a good chance of winning all of this. thus, kieran is created & used to absorb the killing blow. morrigan disappears with the child, which kira does try to stop -- even if alistair wants nothing to do with him, kira still views him as half of his father & doesn't like the idea of them not being in each other's lives.in the ten years between the start of DAO & DAI, alistair stays as a figurehead in ferelden while kira chases any lead on how to cure the blight. most matters are discussed through letters, but she trusts him to make decent choices. with lili & zevren helping out, she doesn't mind taking longer trips -- though she often finds she & alistair miss each other terribly & often meet up wherever they can manage.by the time the inquisition has formed, kira is on the heels of figuring out what in the hell is going on with the wardens. when hawke is recruited, so is she. between the two of them, they're able to save the warden's. she speaks as a key voice against seeking retribution against the warden's for their actions. if they are punished, she leaves to continue her quest for stopping the blight. if they are not, she offers any support she can muster, both as queen and as a rogue.

  WARNING    this particular durge is the one that does not resist the call of the urge at all. he completely gives in & is the worst of the worst. if you're looking for the durge that resists & becomes a good person, this is not him. PLEASE BE AWARE THAT LUCIEN IS AS BAD AS IT GETS. i'm not fucking kidding. this is full canon durge -- necrophilia & cannibalism included in backstory. he makes every single 'bad' choice there is & revels in it. there is no remorse or attempts to get better. if anything, he lies & manipulates people into thinking he's good, & then backstabs & murders them & drinks their blood. do not interact with him if you're going to give me a hard time for writing him as the canonical evil, disgusting bastard he is. ( obviously, i do not condone anything the dark urge has or will ever do. you're supposed to be repulsed & hate him. that's the point. muse does not equal writer.)

• lucien willoby.

  AGE   [ 25 ]
  BACKGROUND   [ the haunted ]
  RACE   [ lolth sworn drow / changeling ]
  HEIGHT   [ 6'2" ]
  WEIGHT   [ 81kg / 180lbs ]
  BUILD   [ slender & athletic ]
  EYE COLOR   [ one 'demon red' & one green ]
  SKIN COLOR   [ grey ]
  HAIR COLOR   [ black ]
  TATTOOS   [ black tendrils up neck to jaw. ]
  RELIGION   [ lolth sworn / bhaal ]
  CLASS   [ wild magic sorcerer ]
  FAMILY   bhaal (creator) / alina & asra willoby (adoptive parents ; deceased)
  ALIGNMENT   [ chaotic evil ]
  POSITIVE TRAITS   [ determined / passionate / joyful / efficient ]
  NEGATIVE TRAITS   [ deranged / manipulative / evil / psychotic ]
  FACE-CLAIM   [ thomas doherty ]
  CANON PARTNER   [ ascended astarion ]
  SEXUALITY   [ pansexual / polyamorous ]

  IN HIS IMAGE    formed from bhaal's willingly taken skin & blood, lucien was made by the god himself, in his image. favored by his creator, lucien was made to be bhaal's chosen before he was 'born.' his birth form was one detested by most in faerun -- a drow with glowing red eyes of lolth. rejected by the matriarchs in menzoberranzan , both for being male & a bhaalspawn , he was left outside the city of baldurs gate as a newborn, lucien was later adopted by a barren couple of tieflings who did not care about his apparent affiliation to lolth. a happy childhood was haunted by dreams of violence & gore, all coming to a head when he was ten -- drawn to the call of murder in bhaal's name, lucien killed his parents in a fit of bloodlust & rage. from there , it only went down.down into the undercity ruins of baldur's gate, where he was drawn to the hidden temple of bhaal in the heart of it all. here, he was trained to be exactly what he was meant to be -- the most brutal & merciless killer to ever walk the mortal realm. there was no rhyme or reason to his murders -- only absolute savagery. he learned he was a changeling, allowing him to shift & alter his appearance at any given time to appear just as he wanted. this let him escape murder after murder, no one able to pin him down. he always returned to his original form, free of guilt.

  THE DEAD THREE    eventually, lucien became a god of sorts amongst the worshipers of bhaal. no one could stand against him, nor did they want to -- anyone that tried was met with a swift end. not all took kindly to his godhood -- his blood kin, orin, namely. she believed in the beauty of murder, not the quantity of it. lucien did not care for her opinion. he eventually found a mutual interest amongst ketheric thorm & lord enver gortash : domination. so, the three of them formed the dead three, chosen of bhaal, myrkul, & bane.the plan was simple : steal the crown, enslave an elderbrain, create an army of mindless illithids, take over the world. of course, lucien had a final addendum to this plan : betray his fellow chosen & kill every last person in the name of bhaal, then finally kill himself. everyone followed his word, given his intelligence & charisma. everyone except orin.  BETRAYAL IS NATURE    orin has always lacked restraint. so, when given the change, she plunged a dagger into lucien's skull. she placed an altered tadpole into his brain & left him to die in the illithid colony, then went on to take his spot as the chosen of bhaal, despite his general distaste for her. the severe damage led to lucien's death. but, not for long. he was resurrected & experimented on by a necromancer of the absolute, whom had no knowledge of who he was. eventually, he was placed on the nautiloid & left to awaken with no memory of his life prior.  THE URGE CALLS    the second he wakes, he knows nothing but the call for blood. he's given the choice to resist the temptation, but never even considers denying it. time & time again, he's left in the aftermath of death with no recollection of even killing the person -- where you might think he'd be left scared, he only ever felt regret for not being able to remember the joy of the heinous act. any chance he gets, he chooses evil. again & again, he turns his companions into the worst versions of themselves. astarion is led to ascension, gale is led to godhood, shadowheart is led to sharran emptiness. slaughter after slaughter, theres only one goal in the end : the complete annihilation of every living thing.

• lilith dalael.

  AGE   [ 23 ]
  BACKGROUND   [ fallen noble ]
  RACE   [ 'seldarine' drow ]
  HEIGHT   [ 4'9" ]
  WEIGHT   [ 45kg / 100 lbs ]
  BUILD   [ small & thin ]
  EYE COLOR   [ lavender ]
  SKIN COLOR   [ pale white with a purple undertone ]
  HAIR COLOR   [ white ]
  TATTOOS   [ faint white vines along her hairline, down to her collarbones. ]
  SIGNIFICANT PHYSICAL FEATURES   [ absolutely covered in freckles. ]
  RELIGION   [ ellistrae ]
  CLASS   [ bard ]
  INSTRUMENT   [ lute ]
  FAMILY   zarra dalael (mother -- deceased) ; nym dalael (father -- deceased)
  ALIGNMENT   [ chaotic good ]
  POSITIVE TRAITS   [ charismatic / intelligent / bold / resourceful ]
  NEGATIVE TRAITS   [ deceptive / manipulative / naive / lusty ]
  FACE-CLAIM   [ emily browning ]
  CANON PARTNER   [ shadowheart / halsin]
  SEXUALITY   [ pansexual / polyamorous ]

  THE FALL FROM GRACE    born in the underdark , to the noble family of dalael , lilith was raised in the dark embrace of lolth & her matriarchy. her family was not especially well known , nor did they hold very tangible power -- the title of noble was just passed down from generation to generation as a rank amongst the women in the family, instead of a source of actual political power. one thing they did hold was magic. it started out powerful , with clerics dedicated to lolth casting the strongest spells. by the time it reached lilith, it was watered down to simple bard magic. the weave was distant & quiet. it did not diminish her pull over those around her -- as long as she was singing praise to their god & their women, her magic was just as useful to anyone who could hear it.as she grew into her teens, lilith found she quite enjoyed helping people. perhaps not a common trait of the under elves, especially among the zealots who frequently belittled the importance of life outside of their own, lilith didn't seem to care whom a person was so long as they were kind to her. no creature was too small. no smile too sharp. people would call her naive , but it never seemed to land as a sting to her pride. she taught herself healing magic , along with learning the ability to speak to animals. her skill at the lute came naturally, as did her singing & song-writing. if she learned anything from the cruelty of her environment, it was that nothing is stronger than your words. she could persuade & deceive & change minds as easy as plucking a few strings. monumental choices over life & death, sacrifice & mercy, worship & scorn -- bent to her discretion. suddenly, no person could resist her -- even the worst of the worst found they'd follow her word to slit their own throat before they lay a hand on the girl.the worst -- or best -- choice she ever bent was her mother & father's dedication to lolth. though certainly not zealots or staunch supporters of lolth & her cruelty, they eventually did raise qualms about their daughter's seeming departure from the conformity of the underdark. it was a risk to their whole line if lilith turned her back on lolth. but, as the master of words, lilith managed to do the impossible -- convince them to not only leave lolth's embrace , but to leave the underdark behind entirely. she'd never gone topside. lolth barred the study of other gods, other people, other places. all that mattered was menzoberranzan & her people. lilith sought more. adventure, exploration, new people to seduce & new songs to sing. a few whispered words about a god of her people that didn't relish harm was enough for her to want to seek out a different life. she was only 15 when she persuaded them to leave.

she was also 15 when she lost them. it seems the lolth-sworn were not eager to let them leave. a nasty encounter on the way out shook her to her core -- for once, her words failed. her heart sank as her mother & father fell to those they'd never have turned against were it not for her. the only use her words served now was to give her a chance to slip away. she convinced the attackers that they'd deal more damage to her by making her live with her choices, away from her people with the guilt of her parents death on her shoulders.  TOPSY TURVEY    life on the surface was very different than life in the underdark. certainly less dangerous, she found her ability to persuade & deceive even more useful amongst topsiders. people were not always so forthright about their cruelty. insight & perception became second nature to the bard. who better to spot a liar than an even better one ? sweet words & soft skin made her a popular companion in every town she visited. she found herself a useful distraction for pickpocketing. as such, she easily fell into friendships with those on the streets & in the shadows.by the time she was twenty, she'd nearly perfected her skills. people trusted her, never once suspecting that she was anything but forthright & genuine. & for the most part, she was. she found that even in her line of work, she loved helping others -- doing the right thing. she could never bring herself to be truly cruel, except to those that truly deserved it. she put her skills to good use -- she solved murders, reunited loved ones, & made herself a name in the world.  KIDNAPPED    unluckily for her, she happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time when the nautiloid darkened the sky above. people began screaming & vanishing into thin air as the tentacled ship swept through the streets without a second thought toward the destruction it left behind. lilith was swept up in her attempts to escape, unable to find a safe place to hide.upon being infected with the mind flayer tadpole, lilith felt all of her power seep out of her. she was no longer the skilled bard she'd once been -- though certainly not talentless, she found herself back where she'd started all those years ago. essentially went from like level 12 to level 1.

• heir of night.

  NAME   Selene starborn.
  ALIAS   sel. lena. sellie.
  BIRTHPLACE   night court / illyrian camp
  AGE   505 / 'died' at 31 , physically 25.
  HEIGHT   5'8
  SPECIES   high fae + Illyrian.
  PARENTS   high lord & lady starborn of the night court.
  SIBLINGS   rhys starborn.
  MATE   azriel.
  FACECLAIM   naomi scott.

about. the younger sister of rhys, selene is named after a former high lady of the night court. she is raised in the illyrian camp with her mother. she is never physically trained amongst the camp, but azriel and cassian and rhys make sure she is not defenseless. in terms of powers, she has the same daemati powers that her brother has, along with his powers of darkness. stars shine in her eyes the same as they do his. however, she does not have his powers of destruction. she mostly chose to learn her mothers trade -- sewing and cooking and flying. whoever meets her always says she embodies happiness -- that everyone around her can't help but smile in her presence, as if her happiness is contagious.azriel. the bat boys have always been protective over selene -- though for rhys and cassian, this was always in an older brother sense. azriel was much the same, if you looked away from some casual flirting. sel had a bit of an obvious crush on him, but he considered her off limits because of her brother. he assumed that wouldn't change until one day in her eighteenth year, she bled for the first time. she'd followed her mother's instructions to hold it off until then. but, with no prospective husband, some of the men in camp orchestrated a kidnapping of her to take her for their own. it was not rhys or her father who found her -- it was azriel.
he killed the man without a seconds thought. it was not out of romantic love prior to this, but the moment it happened, they both felt the bond slip into place.
as with any truly good mating bond, the ecstasy of the night shook the mountains.
the two of them were inseparable at that point -- nothing could keep them apart for long. azriel insisted they move to velaris, which selene had no qualms about. she loved the city and always found herself enjoying the artists quarter or the view of the rainbow. it was mostly just a relief to get out of the camp.
the two of them made a deal together -- as long as they were mates, they'd be able to use her daemati powers to communicate with him telepathically without much effort on her end. she enjoys this power quite a bit, especially given that azriel eventually allows her into his mind to touch the far corners he's hidden from all other to see.selene becomes a much happier version of herself in Azriel's presence. it's clear they change each other for the better -- though they are both pretty bad distractions to each other. fiercely protective of each other, the only bad quality he brings out of her is her willingness to use her daemati powers to protect him.

regarding her death. in canon, she is killed alongside her mother by tamlin's father. in my story, after he killed her mother, he went after selene & managed to cut her wings off. her powers manifested in one final act to save herself in her agony -- she was transformed into a pool of starlight that appeared one day in the spring court.the thing is, when she 'died', azriel did not feel the bond break. his tattoo of their deal did not disappear. heartbreakingly enough, he could still hear her in his head, screaming. he found her instantly and broke down beside that pool of starlight. it is there that the two of them decide to convince everyone that she is dead. azriel cannot bear to let rhys obsess over finding a way to undo the magic. so there she has stayed for 500 years, whispering to azriel in the shadows. her voice is not strong and it takes time to reach him, given their distance. often, when no one has tabs on where azriel is, he can be found at the pool, hiding in the shadows so that he can spend time with her.rhys grieved his sister deeply. it became the norm for no one to mention her or his mother, as it brought about too much pain. no one wanted to put azriel through the torture of thinking about his lost mate, after all. rhys is not a fool, however. though he had no deals with selene, when she died, he could have sworn he still felt her. he also notices early on that azriel's tattoo had no vanished with her passing. he decides to keep that information to himself to spare azriel. while he does not know about the pool or if she is actually alive, he has always been suspicious. Can she ever be returned to normal?it should always be noted that her being azriel's mate is not mandatory if your azriel does not want that !

• ' It is helpful to know the proper way to behave, so one can decide whether or not to be proper

• ' this man who was kind enough to be a soul but strong as only a human could be

• ' Be happy that after living so many lives, I finally found something to die for

• ' isn't it wonderful to be an idea?

• ' when it comes to playing games, I divine the rules, I set the pieces, and I choose when to play.

• ' I will always tell you to be careful, because I will always care what happens

• ' i will not be afraid.

• ' It was like dying a little every day. It was like being alive, too. It was joy so complete it was pain.

• ' for me there are neither locks nor bolts. whatever i desire is mine.

• ' you and i are nothing but wild beasts wearing human skin.

• ' Tell me that even if I lead us all to ruin, we’ll burn in hell together.

• ' it is not a hard thing, is it -- to die for your friends?

• ' i am here. i am with you.

• ' Who I am makes no difference. And I'm not owned by anyone

• ' I may not be a warrior... but at least I save lives--not end them

• ' Poetry is the art of revealing precious truth with words

• ' i simply refuse to deal with these idiots. it has cut my social obligations in half.

• ' Why must our only options be to squawk and settle or to never leave the nest. What if I want to fly?

• ' When you're invisible, you have all the amusement you want without any of the expectations popularity brings

• ' “I'm looking out for myself. I am ensuring my own future.

• ' "If I plan to make change in the world, I need to see some of it first

• ' I think I just want someone to tell me how to live my life, Father, because so far I think I've been getting it wrong

• ' It takes strength to know what's right. And love isn't something that weak people do.

• 'If I feel physically as if the top of my head were taken off, I know that is poetry

• ' Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You're gonna love it

• ' no uterus , no opinion.

• ' "I'm a pacifist. But when the revolution comes, I'll destroy all of you

• ' I'm not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

• ' I'm a paleontologist, I deal in facts.

• ' The fridge broke, so I had to eat everything!

• ' It has to be seven. That keeps you safe.

• ' "I loved you completely. And you loved me the same. That's all. The rest is confetti

• ' We’re all stories in the end.

• ' in my experience, most times they're just what we want to see. Most times, a ghost is a wish.

• ' I'm going to fix her. That's what I do

• ' a house is like a body...and that every house...has eyes. And bones. And skin. And a face

• ' Evil is a point of view. God kills indiscriminately, and so shall we

• ' we leave the damage so we never forget the damage.

• ' do it. go bang.

• ' I try to keep the darkness from you because I need your light. I need it desperately, but you don't need the darkness.

• ' Be not afraid! One moment of faith…is all I ask. One moment of faith.

• ' People are gonna tell you who you are your whole life. You just gotta punch back and say, 'No, this is who I am'

• ' Everything that happens, happens by design

• ' i try to be good. But every time I try, it just blows up in my face. It's like I'm cursed or something.

• ' There's more to life than living for the next fight. Life is made up of moments. Good ones and bad ones.

• ' my treason was in loving you.

• ' My country and I are one and the same. Forget that, and you've forgotten who I am

• ' "No one risks their lives for some lord's strategy. We do it for those we love

• ' I'm not scared of death anymore; I'm scared of being alone

• ' We don't have to understand shit about it for it to be real.

• ' i don't think i'm smarter than you. i know i am.

• ' The point is, frogs are bitches and we don't negotiate with terrorists.

• ' you made hell feel like heaven

• ' Runner's high is better than sex. And for some, may last longer.

• ' Go to college. Become SOMETHING. That's a lot of pressure!

• ' "The first step to fixing something is to know...it can always be saved

• ' You don't get all that goodness and possibility with zero risk

• ' "I wished for a fairytale life, and it's all gone terribly wrong... or terribly right

• 'Trust your heart if the seas catch fire and live by love though the stars walk backwards

• ' Love is this very precious thing... But it's not finite

• ' hell is a teenage girl.

• ' i am a god.

• ' She wanted something else, something different, something more

• ' I know my value. No one else's opinion really matters

• ' i belong on broadway.

• ' An ideal butler provides service without being asked

• ' Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist

• ' "I grew up on the lower East Side... the only way to break through that ceiling sometimes is to lie

• ' Because If you can do the things I can, and you don't, and then something bad happens, it happens because of you.

• ' nothing beats a first kiss

• ' I am not a prize to be won

• ' streetrate. riff raff. i don't buy that. if only they'd look closer.

• ' the greatest con in history!

• ' god does not abandon us.

• ' i will show them! i'll make them believe.

• ' We are like a stone the ocean beats against. With each passing year a little more of us is worn away

• ' "There are no such things as beasts, or talking teacups, or magic! But there are wolves, frostbite, and starvation

• ' She warned me not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within

• ' someone has to help.

• ' i know that I am dead; yet it seems that I still have some tears to shed

• ' With this hand I will lift your sorrows

• ' the cold never bothered me anyway.

• ' you must go on and do the next right thing

• ' reindeer are better than people.

• ' If only there was someone out there who loved you

• ' I'm a performer! I sing, I dance, I promote products that I don't actually use, I DONT. DO. DANGER!

• ' "A human called me a possum. I am NOT a possum

• ' I want someone to care if I stay or go

• ' Well Christ on a stick, I guess there is a god

• ' if there's a prize for rotten judgement, i guess i've already won that.

• ' i would go most anywhere to find where i belong

• ' It's only fun if you get a scar out of it

• movie only!

• ' Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten

• ' "I'd rather be a sailor than a prince any day

• ' "Life's full of tough choices, isn't it

• ' Life is short... we're on this earth to have some fun

• ' "I would kiss a frog. I would kiss a hundred frogs if I could marry a prince and be a princess

• ' "Maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them"

• ' It can't get any worse, can it ?

• ' All that talk of greatness, light coming off my sails... What a joke

• ' I didn’t want to have to do this, but you leave me no choice. Here comes the smolder.

• ' The outside world is a dangerous place. Filled with horrible, selfish people

• ˖ ࣪ . ⊹ biography.

• ' I shouldn't have wished to live in more interesting times

• ˖ ࣪ . ⊹ biography.

• ' Pave my path with corpses... Build my castle with bones!

• ' I itch to peel you, to split your skin, to see your skull shine in the light, little tyrant

• ' Everyone Has To Suffer - It's A Fact Of Life

• ' That's what I here for. To deliver unpleasent news and witty one liners

• ' It always had a soul. The question is the answer.

• ' "I removed the chance of compromise, because there is no compromise

• ' The struggle ahead is mine alone

• ˖ ࣪ . ⊹ biography.

• ' We are Couslands, and we do what must be done

• ˖ ࣪ . ⊹ biography.

• ' "There's truth in your face. A rare thing in a human

• ˖ ࣪ . ⊹ biography.

• ' Can I get you a ladder? So you can get off my back

• ˖ ࣪ . ⊹ biography.

• The whole point of lowering my standards is that you'll never have to be disappointed in me ever again

• ' I've watched people leave before. Family, friends. They never come back

• ' How did we get here? Sittin' in the snow, leaned up against a tree, bullet in my leg, but alive.

• ' "I don't believe in sick. If it's not cancer, you come to work

• ' the situations a lot more nuanced than that!

• ' You're pretty, and you're smart, and you're ignoring me, so you're obviously my type

• ' Maybe good really is more powerful than evil

• ' They say I'm trouble, they say I'm bad, they say I'm evil, that makes me glad

• ' When you really believe in yourself, you don't have to bring other people down

• ' "We're actors, right? Our skin is like our paintbrush and our canvas

• ' A dream is the one thing that you know if it came true all the hurt would go away

• ' Being a part of something special makes you special, right ?

• ' the shows gotta go ... all over the place , or something

• ' "No cuz I just try to be really honest with people, when I think that they suck!

• ' We need to save our show from people who don't know the difference between a Tony Award and Tony Hawk"

• ' everyone loves a good jazz square.

• ' "In my other schools, I was the freaky math girl. It's cool coming here and being… whoever I wanna be

• ' "I will not be the girl who gets asked how it feels to be trotting along at the genius' heels

• ' Nobody ever wins the games. Period. There are survivors. There's no winners

• ' snow decided i'm not pretty enough.

• ' I don't sing when I'm told. I sing when I have something to say

• ' It's the things we love most that destroy us

• ' If we burn, you burn with us

• ' I just don't want to be another piece in their game.

• ' It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart

• ' "They're not animals, though. They're kids, like you and me

• ' Whoever said orange is the new pink was seriously disturbed

• ' with the chance you've been given Why are you not driven as hell?

• ' I didn't make you look bad, you just weren't prepared.

• ' there's no one right way to be gay

• ' i will grind you to stand beneath my louis vuitton heel

• ' Stupid girls make up rumors because they're bored with their own lame lives

• ' what's wrong with me ? could it be you ? it's probably me.

• ' every asshole has opinions, but it doesn't make them true.

• ' Sometimes, you have to learn to love what is good for you

• ' For the first time in almost a century, I felt hope

• ' I wasn't born to follow you or anyone else

• ' Being unwanted isn't exactly a new thing for me

• ' "Why waste time with ire when there were so many more pleasant emotions available

• ' No one can hide like me

• ' dying in place of someone I love, seems like a good way to go

• ' "I'm not exactly the best judge of what is or isn't dangerous

• ' "Just because we've been… dealt a certain hand…it doesn't mean that we can't choose to rise above

• ' There are exceptions to every rule

• ' Should have put her on her ass

• ' Admiration was like air to me, Bella. I was silly and shallow, but I was content